..You know it's painful.. you know it will be hard.. You know you have to fight it and you just have to be stronger.. I read a quote once that said, "You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have".. I couldn't agree more.. But I can just add my own words and say that you don't know how much it really hurts until you say it out loud, "It's over".. How can you ever explain to yourself that giving up is the best choice and leaving only shows how strong you are.. I could never admit then, I tried.. OVER and over again.. Mistakes after mistakes I tried to understand, I tried to stand by him and I tried to make it work no matter how painful the fights got, no matter how ignored and unloved I felt. I did my everything I could.. This time, it's beyond my control. A lot has happened since last year and everything went downhill from there.. TRUST ISSUES, INFIDELITY, LIES and COVER-UPS.. They just got too much.. No matter how hard I tried to pretend that nothing's changed.. It only got worse because EVERY THING has changed. It got to a point where I couldn't fool even myself.. I knew why I was mad all the time, I knew the excuses I made when I suddenly got so sensitive but I couldn't pretend anymore. The harder I tried, the more painful it got.. The tighter I held on, the more it slipped from my hand.. IT REALLY WAS OVER.. But how do you start accepting the fact that you've been fighting for a lost cause from the start.. How do you even contemplate that the best thing to do is to just let each other go.. Let each other breathe before every good memory becomes a bitter one and you will only end resenting every thing that you've grown to love because of him.. Four years of what? What happened? I keep trying to give a complete logical explanation, I can't find any because maybe this is where the brain stops and the heart talks.. It isn't about what's logical or rational, it is what you feel that should make you decide.. It doesn't matter that it doesn't make sense all you know is for the first time in a long time, you feel free and you feel happy and you feel loved because for the first time you started loving yourself first, you started loving yourself more.. That's what's most important.. Loving yourself more before anyone else because in the end, that's where you draw your strength..
