distance

If there's one thing I've learned from my trip this weekend it's that it never was about the distance.. In any relationship, honesty pays more than anything.. honesty and an open communication...TRUST,, Don't hold anything back, no matter how painful things are getting, you should tell each other every thing because holding something, anything no matter how small will eventually get between you and you will not know what's wrong.. You get hurt and you get distant without knowing why and it will complicate things because you can't tell him why.. It's not putting yourself in the open and making yourself vulnerable, it's being able to say you tried. There'e no point in entering relationship when you are more guarded than a prisoner because you may not be allowing yourself to hurt, you should also realize you are not allowing yourself to be fully loved and to fully love..You might as well not enter a relationship at all because you are just fooling yourself..Half full or half empty is still just that..half.. You can be in each other's company every minute of everyday and still be the most distant couple just because you don't talk and he doesn't know the important things about you just as you don't know the important things even the small details.. Because when your relationship depends on instant messages and phone calls, love will not be enough.. Love is when you look forward to seeing him and feeling him close. Trust is allowing yourself to feel the pain of having to be apart but knowing that the next phone call or the next message is no different than seeing him tell you about his day, how he smiles when he's excited or frowns when he's tired or that you know when he says he's just sitting alone thinking of you because you're that connected, you can describe where he is just as he can because you trust in what he tells you and you know that he feels exactly the same..

..Turning Point..

..honestly, we're at a standoff.. and I don't know what to say or do anymore.. My mind's just shut off.. i'm trying so hard to figure out where I want us to go from here..

We Tried

We've been here before
 But something's changed 'coz right now we're not fighting anymore 
And I'm just tired of this, 

We promised we'd never give up 
We'd keep the faith when things went wrong 
But things have changed and now 
I'm standing here alone 

Forever's far from where we are 
It's hard to lose what we both found 
We can't give up now 
We CAN make it right this time 
We can't just end things this way 
Find a reason to stay 
We can make it right this time 
We can fight, do we fight 
Or do we say we tried 

WE TRIED..

At this point, I honestly don't know what to do.. I miss him, that much I can admit and it gets harder everyday. But it's not just him I miss..I miss us.. How we were before everything got complicated and we started fighting more than we laughed. Two years and ten months, I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose him. Everything I've done and every decision I made for the past two years had something to do with him. He's not just my boyfriend, he's my best friend more than anything else. He's the only person who knows me inside and out, up to the smallest detail and if I lose that, I don't know how to pick myself back up. It's not just because I got used to him being in my life, but it's mainly because he's been the only one keeping me afloat since I came to Manila to study. Whenever things got too much, I'd go to him to retreat, I went to him for anything and seeing him, thinking about him was my constant reminder that I had to stay on track. It was for us that I wanted to make my life better and be more focused, it was for us and the future we wanted to make together. I know it's classic but I really had (have) a future planned out for us. And I know it's the same with him. So why is this happening? H told me I changed. I don't know what to say to that. I know I did and I could defend that and I could tell him the same but does it really matter anymore? The point here is we just don't understand each other anymore. We're both doing what we can to get through the long distance and it's causing us the relationship. I tried my best and I know he did the same but we kept going in circles and kept hurting each other, it's not me over-thinking anymore. The problem is things don't get settled and forgotten or left behind, things just get set aside and when we fight they all surface and we have to deal with them all over again. We tried to do better, we made a deal not to reopen old wounds but because we kept fighting for the same reasons, that was pointless. No matter how we try and not want to reopen old wounds, when we get cut on the same part, there's really nothing more we could do but accept that things have to change. I had to save what was left of us. If we don't get bitter enough that we won't be able to even talk to each other, if we have enough feelings left to keep our friendship then I can take that. I'm just tired of the hurting and the fighting. :( ..sooner or later, you have to face it. face it and just smile because it happened and when it ends, it doesn't change the fact that at one point in your life you were happy because of it.. concentrate on that.. just that and not the loss, because it's better to have been there than wondering your whole life how it could've felt.. when you're bitter, be proud because you know that you held on because it mattered so much.. you were inspired...stay inspired by it because not having it anymore doesn't mean it never happened