WE TRIED..

At this point, I honestly don't know what to do.. I miss him, that much I can admit and it gets harder everyday. But it's not just him I miss..I miss us.. How we were before everything got complicated and we started fighting more than we laughed. Two years and ten months, I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose him. Everything I've done and every decision I made for the past two years had something to do with him. He's not just my boyfriend, he's my best friend more than anything else. He's the only person who knows me inside and out, up to the smallest detail and if I lose that, I don't know how to pick myself back up. It's not just because I got used to him being in my life, but it's mainly because he's been the only one keeping me afloat since I came to Manila to study. Whenever things got too much, I'd go to him to retreat, I went to him for anything and seeing him, thinking about him was my constant reminder that I had to stay on track. It was for us that I wanted to make my life better and be more focused, it was for us and the future we wanted to make together. I know it's classic but I really had (have) a future planned out for us. And I know it's the same with him. So why is this happening? H told me I changed. I don't know what to say to that. I know I did and I could defend that and I could tell him the same but does it really matter anymore? The point here is we just don't understand each other anymore. We're both doing what we can to get through the long distance and it's causing us the relationship. I tried my best and I know he did the same but we kept going in circles and kept hurting each other, it's not me over-thinking anymore. The problem is things don't get settled and forgotten or left behind, things just get set aside and when we fight they all surface and we have to deal with them all over again. We tried to do better, we made a deal not to reopen old wounds but because we kept fighting for the same reasons, that was pointless. No matter how we try and not want to reopen old wounds, when we get cut on the same part, there's really nothing more we could do but accept that things have to change. I had to save what was left of us. If we don't get bitter enough that we won't be able to even talk to each other, if we have enough feelings left to keep our friendship then I can take that. I'm just tired of the hurting and the fighting. :( ..sooner or later, you have to face it. face it and just smile because it happened and when it ends, it doesn't change the fact that at one point in your life you were happy because of it.. concentrate on that.. just that and not the loss, because it's better to have been there than wondering your whole life how it could've felt.. when you're bitter, be proud because you know that you held on because it mattered so much.. you were inspired...stay inspired by it because not having it anymore doesn't mean it never happened